On Christmas I Always Remember…

Remembering Ray, my Stepfather who was better to me than my birth parents, I wish to recognize him by posting a poem I wrote inspired by a moment we shared that had a lasting impact on my life. Hope you enjoy every moment you have with friends and family. After all, if a loved one does pass away you will regret every lost moment you did not make them a priority. However, I promise, you will never feel any of the moments you did spend with them wasted.

“He Let Her Dance”

A girl,
denied her youth,
steals a moment.
Rain falling
Sun shining
Puddles forming
Believed her new umbrella
would be her only witness
as she danced without worry
just for an instant.

Hooray!
She finally felt the joy
of not trying to be perfect.
Shoes wet
Movements clumsy
Umbrella twirling

Her treasured moment
was shattered in an instant.
She had another witness.
A man she spied
looking out at her.

They have just met.
He married her Mother.
He was not her Father.
She already had a Dad.
What if she was bad?
Alone, was her bet.

She did not want this man to hate her
She knew, too well,
the hurt hate creates.
She tried really hard to act right
for every second,
in every minute,
in every hour,
in every day…
until this moment today.

All efforts to be perfect…gone.
She was caught
being perfectly imperfect.

Her dismay turned to delight.
Eyes did not belittle
Voice did not raise
Mouth did not frown

Her heavy heart lifted.
She felt a tiny seed of worth planted
and vowed to love him forever
in an instant
even though
she only
called him
Ray.

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White Venom Real Talk

His Strawberry Licorice lies I eat up,
Red Vines of deceit keep me tied up…
He I adore
Me I abhor
Walked away but keep going for more
Turn around as I get close to the door
I am always hungry for more
Is it his sweetness I crave?
Is it his soul I want to save?
Do I want to prove myself brave?
Fuck this rhyming shit and let me just be real.

I’m scared that I’m not good enough for anything more than this bullshit.
It’s time for some real talk

White Venom Rage

Your crazy is written all over my walls/bitch I gotta lotta issues of my own that calls/you got problems that cut real deep?/boo fucking hoo!/I don’t give a shit!/you wanna know what got me to the point of wanting to slit your throat?/ You fucking drama slut!/

I have your crazy written all over my walls and I hate it/my walls only have room for my own crazy/how about I paint them with the red from your veins?

You lost your man, kids, and all your stuff huh?/guess what you also lost all my respect/ I don’t like hearing whinny ass country songs/ so I’m going to change the station quick

Dirty Laundry

dirty laundry
man ignores
in corner
small
easy to ignore
takes a wife
has children
more and more
clothes worn
tossed in corner

dirty laundry
man and wife ignores
filling the whole downstairs
get brand new clothes
people on outside impressed
blissfully unaware house stinks
however stench residents very aware
smell’s memory stubbornly clings
with each residents daily escape
and gives an awkward hug upon return

dirty clothes pile continues to grow
children have families who also ignore
filling most space from cellar to attic
extended family can’t find space of own
toes of all either sore or calloused
being stepped on regular basis does that
space a premium yet ignore real problem
instead, evict those who dare complain
sadly they leave only home they know
with only the clothes on their backs

dirty laundry
so small at first
tore up a large family
how sad is that

White Venom Purr

I have something to say…

No lie, last thing I want to do is shout.
I would prefer doing it in a seductive whisper real close to your ear so the vibration adds to its power.

If I have your attention please perk your ears.

Words from the heart have power if delivered in a mighty yell or hushed tone.

Truth of the matter…my tongue can give pleasure beyond compare but it can also be used as a blade. I do either or as long as my point is made.

Lucky you…today I chose to keep it in my sheath and just purr.

I really don’t want to inflict any fatal blows to y’all’s egos. But my hand is flexing and temper is about to blow.

I am a woman…not a ho
I have needs, just like you
If one need is not met
Don’t be rude just because
I’m smart enough to take
Gifts and cash instead
Ya shoulda paid what was due
Please pass to every bro

my tongue can give pleasure beyond compare but it can also be used as a blade. I do either or as long as my point is made.

Lucky you…today I chose to keep it in my sheath and just purr.

Please spread the word.

I really don’t want to inflict any fatal blows to y’all’s egos. But my hand is flexing and temper is about to blow.

Could y’all try to vary the tones of your literary voice so your points are not lost in all that noise?

We all know you got talent and have something to say from your own unique point of view…stand down for a moment from trying to prove it.

If you constantly feel like you have to fight to gain ground in your lyrical aspirations, remember ground is only gained on any field with offense plays. Offense is benched if defense is always played…and eventually tires and ground will be lost.

We are all friends here. Don’t write like we are foes. Try new things and saying your thoughts in new ways.

The real world is hard and won’t give a shit about you and your talent until it is fine tuned and refined.

Let us help each other to do just that. Check your egos at the lounge door and stop trying to prove your worth…instead use it to improve your worth.

You will be better for it.
For sure

Anyway

While other woman wombs swelled with a life they knew forever love would become. I knew eventually, your love I would be denied and I cried.

I loved you anyway.

While other woman hugged, kissed and watched their child play. I always felt I had to keep some of myself away and save you from exposure from my decay.

I loved you anyway.

I knew the secret. I was nothing and you were perfection. I was happy just to be part of your conception. Pretending to be worthy of anything more was just a deception I foolishly believed for moments myself as I endeavored to make you believe awhile.

I loved you anyway.

At times beasts which could harm you, more than I, came to our door. I fought them with the little power I possessed. I hurt when you declared I was the beast and it was my claws you wanted to ignore.

I loved you anyway.

Now, you have gone on your way. You have your wounds from my fails as a Mother. But from the distance you keep me at you are a sight to behold. You have pride in yourself and know you deserved more than what you got in life…and you are right.

I loved you anyway,

Forever.

IT

You did done did it
Not gonna beat it
Now deal with it
Damn…sucks don’t it
Hope you learn from it
Break free from it
Move on from it
But always remember it
Tell others about it
How you did done did it
Didn’t beat it
Dealt with it
Broke away from it
Grew from it
Become more because of it
Only possible positive from it

Mama, Dada, No and Mine

Words first learned
Words first used
Words so simple
Words held power
Words achieved recognition
Words took possession
Words got you loved
Words got you fed
Words expressed mind
Words expressed emotion
Words added over time
Words told to censor
Words could hurt
Words can’t be selfish
Words taught to be used proper
Words aplenty in arsenal
Words lost power
Words held a forgotten secret
Words it seems just the guns
Words bullets are heart and mind
Words need to be loaded
Words assure personal power

White Venom Verse

I don’t have a hard edge to smash heads like gangsters, thugs, hustlers, and players do to abuse to make you believe they are better than you.
Ya better believe this woman God gifted with flow to put ya in the know
pushing others down has gotta go.
They desire to bring down others to make themselves seem bigger.
Wizen up my friends to the deceit
Of fools claiming to be packing heat.
History don’t lie it tends to repeat
Soon we all will witness their defeat
We all know how the script goes
They be puffing up to the point they blow up yet nobody remembers they ever showed up cause their weak ass rhymes have value of throw up
Flush them and give me some time
to seduce your mind with my rhyme
My weapon is more clever because it is soft as a feather yet still cardinal red from the blood its shed cutting out goiters of feelings caught in people’s throats that society says must not be let out.
My writing pages are full of splatters from damage done with each stroke of my simple pen as it writes complex thoughts that come from my head.
I dare to say I am not perfect and I was hurt from my past and most my life my spirit has been broken and put in a cast.
You may see the words I speak as weak.
What I say may be touchy feely but each syllable comes from a place of love for me and my fellow man.
Come on you mean mother fuckers….stand on my shoulders. I don’t mind being below you cause between us two I’m the one strong enough to hold you. My spirit has been broken and set. I have emerged anew. While your still function on adrenaline…anybody with a brain can see you are hurting.
Now who looks like the sucker? Here is a hint…I can lick you mother fucker!

Green

Leaves lose their green scrubs
and put on their party dresses.
Dance for a time in the wind
until they fall to the ground.
We pay them no mind
as they crunch under our feet.
When we walk down the road
sky looks barren and bleak.
Making the hardest heart break.
We continue walking down the road.
Waiting for brand new green scrubs.

Dig Deep

It is time to dig deep.
I got to see what is inside.
Too long it has been hidden
and told what buried is forbidden.
I now know I was fed lies.
Too long, I had an upset stomach.

Butterflies now alone in my stomach.
Sweat drips off me as I dig deep
encountering big boulders of lies.
I can’t wait to find what’s inside.
Why was it forbidden?
Why was it hidden?

Truths should never be hidden.
Only food should be in your stomach
Fluttering butterflies forbidden
Emotions never should be hidden deep
They need released not kept inside
If told different…it’s all lies

Lived a life defined by lies
My true self forbidden
Not knowing what is inside
Making me sick to my stomach
I gotta dig deep
to discover what’s hidden

Excitement builds as I zone in on hidden
And I get past the lies
Over time, I’ve dug deep
Looking for the forbidden
I want an empty stomach
So I can gorge on the truths inside

What is inside no longer forbidden
My stomach no longer full of lies
I’m not hidden and the real me is deep

Black Cat Crossing

Making the sane man shudder
Making the insane man giggle

One fears the unknown
One knows no constant

One dreads loss of treasure
One hoping gain of better

Black cat crossing

Imperfectly Perfect

I’m that girl.
Trying to hide.
Don’t want to be seen.
Sure I will hear laughter.
Know the sound will cause tears
don’t want mascara in my eyes.

I may not be perfect in your eyes.
I’m not the prettiest girl.
This truth has caused me many tears
and forced me to hide
stifling much of my laughter
knowing the sound will make me seen.

Truth is I desire to be seen
and feel the attention of eyes
…minus the laughter.
After all, I am a girl.
What girl wants to hide?
But I do…hence the tears.

Through the years, I’ve shed tears.
Which others have seen.
My crying, I was urged to hide.
Told people see weakness in my eyes
and people will hurt a weak girl.
Hurt them with more than laughter.

Sweet, can be the sound of laughter.
The sound doesn’t have to cause tears
and handicap a girl.
I should be able to be seen
without one tear to come to my eyes.
I will find a way to not have to hide!

I am too good to hide from the laughter
And condemnation in eyes causing tears
I wanna be seen as an imperfectly perfect girl.

Backspace Backspace

Backspace backspace
Gotta erase
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
Ceased to give a damn
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
Who gives a fuck
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
Who cares what I gotta say
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
Decided Im gonna speak up anyway
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
I don’t write for money or acclaim
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
I write to ease my mind
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
Gotta erase
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Bouncing Ball

Bouncing ball.
Into the woods with beasts,
Fearing not fangs and claws.
Everybody chase.

Bouncing ball.
Worth risking life and limb
despite the risk.
Everybody chase.

Bouncing ball.
Not a minute wasted questioning
the wisdom of their actions.
Everybody chase.

Bouncing ball.
The uneducated fools prize
and cause of their eventual demise.
Everybody chase.

What a fun game!
Throwing the
bouncing ball
and watching
everybody chase.

I Am Fire

I am fire
He draws near
Puts out his hands
Keeping his heart away
Doing what I must
Feeling it’s my purpose

I skillfully tickle his cold hands
Taking care to playfully dance away
Right at the precise moment
Knowing my reason for existing
Will tragically end if I burn him

Pain causes fear in mortal men
History has proven
I could beautifully sway
Left and right
Up and down
Begging
Over and over
The best a fire can
Promising my warm embrace
The man would still stay away
So I keep my distance
Assuring my reason for existence

The man takes comfort in my glow
As darkness shows itself the villian
Denying the lights in heaven glory
Yet me, the fire, still has power
So the man draws even closer
When a chill takes hold of the night

The man feeds my flames
Right before he drifts off to sleep
He has got me roaring hot
My flames are so high
Evil Darkness sees me as it’s equal
The man is asleep
Slumber keeping him unaware
Of my beauty as I burn crimson hot

Sparks shoot out
Slowly go out before touching down
Every so often
My fuel once a might tree
Hisses and pops
As it breaks apart

Causes beasts slowly circling
Around my protective glow
To retreat further with fear
The man rests unaware
I have saved him from danger
With pride I burn even brighter
More pops and hisses are heard

What a pity indeed
I always destroy the wood
That came from a giant tree
Whose roots grew deep
So it could grow to grand heights
With dreams of touching the sky

As night progresses
My power lessens
I feel myself grow weaker
The man, my reason, draws closer
Wants to benefit as much as he can

He awakens to a bright new day
He holds his hands out again
Even if the man offered his heart
I am too weak to accept
There is no dance of flames
Heat comes from embers
Which are the only remains
From timber which was my victim

As the man collected the water
To assure power I have can’t grow
My short life’s events
I finally saw as significant
And realized
My purpose in life was not him
I had more power than this mortal

He was not my reason for being
He I could have destroyed
Too bad
Too late
This time

My smoke fills the sky
Making a promise
Seen far and wide
I am Fire
I will burn bright again
Beware!

Defection to Happy (Sestina)

I am visiting this new land called Happy
I don’t know how to act.
All my life I have lived in Despair.
I never liked living there, because it is very glum.
However, my feeling of this new land of Happy is fright.
But, I will travel on despite.

I never felt the joy that forms a smile I attempt one despite.
What makes all the people feel cheery in Happy?
Do they know what it feels like to feel fright?
Could all this bliss be an act?
Does the monotony of content make the natives glum?
I can’t help it I feel home sick for Despair.

Is it my emotional predisposition for misery, which destined me for Despair?
Could I learn to be a Happizite despite
my life long teachings of how to be glum?
I admit I have a fascination with this land of Happy.
Perhaps things would be alright if pleased I could act
and keep hidden, from those all around, my fright.

How does a person mask fright?
When they lived their whole life in Despair?
Is delighted still a wonderful feeling if it is an act?
Can the act ever become fact despite
being a foreigner to Happy?
Or am I forever doomed, no matter the effort, to be glum?

I don’t want to be glum.
I don’t want to feel fright.
I want to live forever in Happy.
I want to defect from Despair.
No matter I was born a Despairian, I want to be a Happizite despite.
I want to feel glee for real and not have it be only an act.

I have decided, I will drop my act and no longer feel glum.
I will do this despite my feelings of horrible fright.
I herby revoke my citizenship to Despair, and pledge my allegiance to Happy!

A Mother’s Dream

my dream finally came true

true tale i tell to you tonight

tonight my baby feared lost

lost to me forever was found

found my reason for living again

again there is hope

hope to start over

over the past

past the hurt

hurt that was caused by me

me, myself, and i

i can breathe easy

easy my breaths

breaths given to me anew by GOD

GOD, aware of my heart’s torment

torment of my own making

making me cry each night

night after night he listened

listened to my pain

pain he had mercy

mercy is what he gave

gave by a power held only by THE MOST HIGH

THE MOST HIGH made my dream finally come true

true tale i tell to you tonight

tonight my baby feared lost

lost to me forever was found

found my reason for living again

again there is hope

 

Torment To Content

I don’t know how to feel content.

Why does this ability escape me?

What if content, I was never meant?

 

I feel at ease with torment.

I fed on its teat as a baby.

I don’t know how to feel content.

 

Out of duty, I pay torment’s rent

I know holding on to feeling bad is crazy.

What if content, I was never meant?

 

To torment, I want to revoke my consent.

If I had something to feel instead I could act bravely.

I don’t know how to feel content.

 

I hate the bond between torment and me is cement!

With shame I admit, to something so vile, I am still clingy.

What if content, I was never meant?

 

Escape from torment I am hell-bent!

The risk of feeling nothing instead…I still agree.

I don’t know how to feel content.

What if content I was never meant?

Defection to Happy (Sestina)

I am visiting this new land called Happy

I don’t know how to act.

All my life I have lived in Despair.

I never liked living there, because it is very glum.

However, my feeling of this new land of Happy is fright.

But, I will travel on despite.

I never felt the joy that forms a smile I attempt one despite.

What makes all the people feel cheery in Happy?

Do they know what it feels like to feel fright?

Could all this bliss be an act?

Does the monotony of content make the natives glum?

I can’t help it I feel home sick for Despair.

Is it my emotional predisposition for misery, which destined me for Despair?

Could I learn to be a Happizite despite

my life long teachings of how to be glum?

I admit I have a fascination with this land of Happy.

Perhaps things would be alright if pleased I could act

and keep hidden, from those all around, my fright.

How does a person mask fright?

When they lived their whole life in Despair?

Is delighted still a wonderful feeling if it is an act?

Can the act ever become fact despite

being a foreigner to Happy?

Or am I forever doomed, no matter the effort, to be glum?

I don’t want to be glum.

I don’t want to feel fright.

I want to live forever in Happy.

I want to defect from Despair.

No matter I was born a Despairian, I want to be a Happizite despite.

I want to feel glee for real and not have it be only an act.

I have decided, I will drop my act and no longer feel glum.

I will do this despite my feelings of horrible fright.

I herby revoke my citizenship to Despair, and pledge my allegiance to Happy!