On Christmas I Always Remember…

Remembering Ray, my Stepfather who was better to me than my birth parents, I wish to recognize him by posting a poem I wrote inspired by a moment we shared that had a lasting impact on my life. Hope you enjoy every moment you have with friends and family. After all, if a loved one does pass away you will regret every lost moment you did not make them a priority. However, I promise, you will never feel any of the moments you did spend with them wasted.

“He Let Her Dance”

A girl,
denied her youth,
steals a moment.
Rain falling
Sun shining
Puddles forming
Believed her new umbrella
would be her only witness
as she danced without worry
just for an instant.

Hooray!
She finally felt the joy
of not trying to be perfect.
Shoes wet
Movements clumsy
Umbrella twirling

Her treasured moment
was shattered in an instant.
She had another witness.
A man she spied
looking out at her.

They have just met.
He married her Mother.
He was not her Father.
She already had a Dad.
What if she was bad?
Alone, was her bet.

She did not want this man to hate her
She knew, too well,
the hurt hate creates.
She tried really hard to act right
for every second,
in every minute,
in every hour,
in every day…
until this moment today.

All efforts to be perfect…gone.
She was caught
being perfectly imperfect.

Her dismay turned to delight.
Eyes did not belittle
Voice did not raise
Mouth did not frown

Her heavy heart lifted.
She felt a tiny seed of worth planted
and vowed to love him forever
in an instant
even though
she only
called him
Ray.

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The Return of the Eye

Not going to post too much at this point. Just wanted to let any of you who still remember me know I’m going to be back writing soon. By soon, I mean tomorrow morning. I enjoyed my Blog but had to take a little break to take in the world around me to write again. My brief time away has changed my writing a little. If that change is for good or bad….is up to you. I write for me while hoping my need of expressing myself will somehow connect with others.

Till tomorrow morning , or earlier, my fellow earthly beams of glory!

Since, I feel more whole since taking my hiatus it’s fitting to come back and show you more of who I am on the outside as I plan on showing you more of who I am on the inside with my writing later.

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Woman! Love thy self.

I wrote “Known But Never Seen (A Love Story)  https://billieazahir.wordpress.com/2013/05/14/known-but-never-seen-a-love-story/in response to photos like the ones included here been seen by me. I wanted to try to offer something to all the woman in the world who already feel like they are not good enough to deserve the best in life. I needed to do something to use my voice on this issue. As a woman who is trying to love who I am….the actual reality…and not what I wish I was, I can say the hardest part to love is my body. My greatest fear is after putting in all this work to be happy being perfectly imperfect, my hate of body will undo all that I have done. I believe if I feel this way there must be others who feel likewise. I urge you, to work on loving your body now…don’t wait to the end. We are woman, we are better than this.  

Billie ♥    Photoshop1Photoshop3photosop2BodyPerspective

I want a discussion….

I hate when a person goes on and on…and expects me to just listen. When this happens, which it does frequently, I feel like a dirty magazine. Think about it, a person looks at the pictures found in magazines, similar to Playboy (classy) and Hustler (trashy) , and stimulates his/her genitalia so the feeling of sweet release is experienced. Likewise, people who talk to me without wanting me to ever talk back so they can fondle his/her egos with the belief what they say has more value then anybody else, including me, till they feel sweet release of self-importance.

I never want a person who honors me by reading my blog to feel like this here. To make sure you don’t….I encourage the reader to talk back to me about the topic of the post so we can engage in discussion.

Now it is up to you. 🙂

I LOVE when I my clever side comes out….

While doing some grunt work, to fulfill my eventual literary goals, I am amusing myself with sharing my impromptu fiction (others call them lies) to amuse myself during the process. The lesson of this post? Words may mean the same thing but each word has its own unique power and personality. So care is needed when making your selection. 🙂

Time to reflect and explain,,,

Today I played around with other ways to express my poetic voice. As a person who hates being put on a leash, I was surprised my writing day felt like no other day of writing in my life. One of my biggest fears was not being able to reflect who I was if writing within guidelines. However, if anything, the boundaries allowed me to express even more then I ever did before. I believe I was forced to to come to the point I wanted to make and my writing was more topic and emotion focused in its delivery. Another fear that made me afraid to attempt this was the fear of losing my unique voice as a writer. With a smile on my face, I see me in everything I posted. What a good day it has been for me the writer and me as a person. I invite you all to take a look if you can find the time. After all, sharing was my intention when I created this blog.

Best wishes in your personal and writing lives. 🙂