On Christmas I Always Remember…

Remembering Ray, my Stepfather who was better to me than my birth parents, I wish to recognize him by posting a poem I wrote inspired by a moment we shared that had a lasting impact on my life. Hope you enjoy every moment you have with friends and family. After all, if a loved one does pass away you will regret every lost moment you did not make them a priority. However, I promise, you will never feel any of the moments you did spend with them wasted.

“He Let Her Dance”

A girl,
denied her youth,
steals a moment.
Rain falling
Sun shining
Puddles forming
Believed her new umbrella
would be her only witness
as she danced without worry
just for an instant.

Hooray!
She finally felt the joy
of not trying to be perfect.
Shoes wet
Movements clumsy
Umbrella twirling

Her treasured moment
was shattered in an instant.
She had another witness.
A man she spied
looking out at her.

They have just met.
He married her Mother.
He was not her Father.
She already had a Dad.
What if she was bad?
Alone, was her bet.

She did not want this man to hate her
She knew, too well,
the hurt hate creates.
She tried really hard to act right
for every second,
in every minute,
in every hour,
in every day…
until this moment today.

All efforts to be perfect…gone.
She was caught
being perfectly imperfect.

Her dismay turned to delight.
Eyes did not belittle
Voice did not raise
Mouth did not frown

Her heavy heart lifted.
She felt a tiny seed of worth planted
and vowed to love him forever
in an instant
even though
she only
called him
Ray.

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White Venom Real Talk

His Strawberry Licorice lies I eat up,
Red Vines of deceit keep me tied up…
He I adore
Me I abhor
Walked away but keep going for more
Turn around as I get close to the door
I am always hungry for more
Is it his sweetness I crave?
Is it his soul I want to save?
Do I want to prove myself brave?
Fuck this rhyming shit and let me just be real.

I’m scared that I’m not good enough for anything more than this bullshit.
It’s time for some real talk

White Venom Rage

Your crazy is written all over my walls/bitch I gotta lotta issues of my own that calls/you got problems that cut real deep?/boo fucking hoo!/I don’t give a shit!/you wanna know what got me to the point of wanting to slit your throat?/ You fucking drama slut!/

I have your crazy written all over my walls and I hate it/my walls only have room for my own crazy/how about I paint them with the red from your veins?

You lost your man, kids, and all your stuff huh?/guess what you also lost all my respect/ I don’t like hearing whinny ass country songs/ so I’m going to change the station quick

Dirty Laundry

dirty laundry
man ignores
in corner
small
easy to ignore
takes a wife
has children
more and more
clothes worn
tossed in corner

dirty laundry
man and wife ignores
filling the whole downstairs
get brand new clothes
people on outside impressed
blissfully unaware house stinks
however stench residents very aware
smell’s memory stubbornly clings
with each residents daily escape
and gives an awkward hug upon return

dirty clothes pile continues to grow
children have families who also ignore
filling most space from cellar to attic
extended family can’t find space of own
toes of all either sore or calloused
being stepped on regular basis does that
space a premium yet ignore real problem
instead, evict those who dare complain
sadly they leave only home they know
with only the clothes on their backs

dirty laundry
so small at first
tore up a large family
how sad is that

White Venom Purr

I have something to say…

No lie, last thing I want to do is shout.
I would prefer doing it in a seductive whisper real close to your ear so the vibration adds to its power.

If I have your attention please perk your ears.

Words from the heart have power if delivered in a mighty yell or hushed tone.

Truth of the matter…my tongue can give pleasure beyond compare but it can also be used as a blade. I do either or as long as my point is made.

Lucky you…today I chose to keep it in my sheath and just purr.

I really don’t want to inflict any fatal blows to y’all’s egos. But my hand is flexing and temper is about to blow.

I am a woman…not a ho
I have needs, just like you
If one need is not met
Don’t be rude just because
I’m smart enough to take
Gifts and cash instead
Ya shoulda paid what was due
Please pass to every bro

my tongue can give pleasure beyond compare but it can also be used as a blade. I do either or as long as my point is made.

Lucky you…today I chose to keep it in my sheath and just purr.

Please spread the word.

I really don’t want to inflict any fatal blows to y’all’s egos. But my hand is flexing and temper is about to blow.

Could y’all try to vary the tones of your literary voice so your points are not lost in all that noise?

We all know you got talent and have something to say from your own unique point of view…stand down for a moment from trying to prove it.

If you constantly feel like you have to fight to gain ground in your lyrical aspirations, remember ground is only gained on any field with offense plays. Offense is benched if defense is always played…and eventually tires and ground will be lost.

We are all friends here. Don’t write like we are foes. Try new things and saying your thoughts in new ways.

The real world is hard and won’t give a shit about you and your talent until it is fine tuned and refined.

Let us help each other to do just that. Check your egos at the lounge door and stop trying to prove your worth…instead use it to improve your worth.

You will be better for it.
For sure

Anyway

While other woman wombs swelled with a life they knew forever love would become. I knew eventually, your love I would be denied and I cried.

I loved you anyway.

While other woman hugged, kissed and watched their child play. I always felt I had to keep some of myself away and save you from exposure from my decay.

I loved you anyway.

I knew the secret. I was nothing and you were perfection. I was happy just to be part of your conception. Pretending to be worthy of anything more was just a deception I foolishly believed for moments myself as I endeavored to make you believe awhile.

I loved you anyway.

At times beasts which could harm you, more than I, came to our door. I fought them with the little power I possessed. I hurt when you declared I was the beast and it was my claws you wanted to ignore.

I loved you anyway.

Now, you have gone on your way. You have your wounds from my fails as a Mother. But from the distance you keep me at you are a sight to behold. You have pride in yourself and know you deserved more than what you got in life…and you are right.

I loved you anyway,

Forever.

IT

You did done did it
Not gonna beat it
Now deal with it
Damn…sucks don’t it
Hope you learn from it
Break free from it
Move on from it
But always remember it
Tell others about it
How you did done did it
Didn’t beat it
Dealt with it
Broke away from it
Grew from it
Become more because of it
Only possible positive from it

Mama, Dada, No and Mine

Words first learned
Words first used
Words so simple
Words held power
Words achieved recognition
Words took possession
Words got you loved
Words got you fed
Words expressed mind
Words expressed emotion
Words added over time
Words told to censor
Words could hurt
Words can’t be selfish
Words taught to be used proper
Words aplenty in arsenal
Words lost power
Words held a forgotten secret
Words it seems just the guns
Words bullets are heart and mind
Words need to be loaded
Words assure personal power

White Venom Verse

I don’t have a hard edge to smash heads like gangsters, thugs, hustlers, and players do to abuse to make you believe they are better than you.
Ya better believe this woman God gifted with flow to put ya in the know
pushing others down has gotta go.
They desire to bring down others to make themselves seem bigger.
Wizen up my friends to the deceit
Of fools claiming to be packing heat.
History don’t lie it tends to repeat
Soon we all will witness their defeat
We all know how the script goes
They be puffing up to the point they blow up yet nobody remembers they ever showed up cause their weak ass rhymes have value of throw up
Flush them and give me some time
to seduce your mind with my rhyme
My weapon is more clever because it is soft as a feather yet still cardinal red from the blood its shed cutting out goiters of feelings caught in people’s throats that society says must not be let out.
My writing pages are full of splatters from damage done with each stroke of my simple pen as it writes complex thoughts that come from my head.
I dare to say I am not perfect and I was hurt from my past and most my life my spirit has been broken and put in a cast.
You may see the words I speak as weak.
What I say may be touchy feely but each syllable comes from a place of love for me and my fellow man.
Come on you mean mother fuckers….stand on my shoulders. I don’t mind being below you cause between us two I’m the one strong enough to hold you. My spirit has been broken and set. I have emerged anew. While your still function on adrenaline…anybody with a brain can see you are hurting.
Now who looks like the sucker? Here is a hint…I can lick you mother fucker!

Green

Leaves lose their green scrubs
and put on their party dresses.
Dance for a time in the wind
until they fall to the ground.
We pay them no mind
as they crunch under our feet.
When we walk down the road
sky looks barren and bleak.
Making the hardest heart break.
We continue walking down the road.
Waiting for brand new green scrubs.

Dig Deep

It is time to dig deep.
I got to see what is inside.
Too long it has been hidden
and told what buried is forbidden.
I now know I was fed lies.
Too long, I had an upset stomach.

Butterflies now alone in my stomach.
Sweat drips off me as I dig deep
encountering big boulders of lies.
I can’t wait to find what’s inside.
Why was it forbidden?
Why was it hidden?

Truths should never be hidden.
Only food should be in your stomach
Fluttering butterflies forbidden
Emotions never should be hidden deep
They need released not kept inside
If told different…it’s all lies

Lived a life defined by lies
My true self forbidden
Not knowing what is inside
Making me sick to my stomach
I gotta dig deep
to discover what’s hidden

Excitement builds as I zone in on hidden
And I get past the lies
Over time, I’ve dug deep
Looking for the forbidden
I want an empty stomach
So I can gorge on the truths inside

What is inside no longer forbidden
My stomach no longer full of lies
I’m not hidden and the real me is deep

Black Cat Crossing

Making the sane man shudder
Making the insane man giggle

One fears the unknown
One knows no constant

One dreads loss of treasure
One hoping gain of better

Black cat crossing

Imperfectly Perfect

I’m that girl.
Trying to hide.
Don’t want to be seen.
Sure I will hear laughter.
Know the sound will cause tears
don’t want mascara in my eyes.

I may not be perfect in your eyes.
I’m not the prettiest girl.
This truth has caused me many tears
and forced me to hide
stifling much of my laughter
knowing the sound will make me seen.

Truth is I desire to be seen
and feel the attention of eyes
…minus the laughter.
After all, I am a girl.
What girl wants to hide?
But I do…hence the tears.

Through the years, I’ve shed tears.
Which others have seen.
My crying, I was urged to hide.
Told people see weakness in my eyes
and people will hurt a weak girl.
Hurt them with more than laughter.

Sweet, can be the sound of laughter.
The sound doesn’t have to cause tears
and handicap a girl.
I should be able to be seen
without one tear to come to my eyes.
I will find a way to not have to hide!

I am too good to hide from the laughter
And condemnation in eyes causing tears
I wanna be seen as an imperfectly perfect girl.

Backspace Backspace

Backspace backspace
Gotta erase
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
Ceased to give a damn
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
Who gives a fuck
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
Who cares what I gotta say
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
Decided Im gonna speak up anyway
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
I don’t write for money or acclaim
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
I write to ease my mind
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Backspace backspace
Gotta erase
Words not sublime
Words not worth a dime

Bouncing Ball

Bouncing ball.
Into the woods with beasts,
Fearing not fangs and claws.
Everybody chase.

Bouncing ball.
Worth risking life and limb
despite the risk.
Everybody chase.

Bouncing ball.
Not a minute wasted questioning
the wisdom of their actions.
Everybody chase.

Bouncing ball.
The uneducated fools prize
and cause of their eventual demise.
Everybody chase.

What a fun game!
Throwing the
bouncing ball
and watching
everybody chase.

I Am Fire

I am fire
He draws near
Puts out his hands
Keeping his heart away
Doing what I must
Feeling it’s my purpose

I skillfully tickle his cold hands
Taking care to playfully dance away
Right at the precise moment
Knowing my reason for existing
Will tragically end if I burn him

Pain causes fear in mortal men
History has proven
I could beautifully sway
Left and right
Up and down
Begging
Over and over
The best a fire can
Promising my warm embrace
The man would still stay away
So I keep my distance
Assuring my reason for existence

The man takes comfort in my glow
As darkness shows itself the villian
Denying the lights in heaven glory
Yet me, the fire, still has power
So the man draws even closer
When a chill takes hold of the night

The man feeds my flames
Right before he drifts off to sleep
He has got me roaring hot
My flames are so high
Evil Darkness sees me as it’s equal
The man is asleep
Slumber keeping him unaware
Of my beauty as I burn crimson hot

Sparks shoot out
Slowly go out before touching down
Every so often
My fuel once a might tree
Hisses and pops
As it breaks apart

Causes beasts slowly circling
Around my protective glow
To retreat further with fear
The man rests unaware
I have saved him from danger
With pride I burn even brighter
More pops and hisses are heard

What a pity indeed
I always destroy the wood
That came from a giant tree
Whose roots grew deep
So it could grow to grand heights
With dreams of touching the sky

As night progresses
My power lessens
I feel myself grow weaker
The man, my reason, draws closer
Wants to benefit as much as he can

He awakens to a bright new day
He holds his hands out again
Even if the man offered his heart
I am too weak to accept
There is no dance of flames
Heat comes from embers
Which are the only remains
From timber which was my victim

As the man collected the water
To assure power I have can’t grow
My short life’s events
I finally saw as significant
And realized
My purpose in life was not him
I had more power than this mortal

He was not my reason for being
He I could have destroyed
Too bad
Too late
This time

My smoke fills the sky
Making a promise
Seen far and wide
I am Fire
I will burn bright again
Beware!

My HipHop/Rap Alter Ego Is White Venom

Recently, I have developed a new obsession. My obsession is HipHop/Rap. I spend hours on YouTube listening to whatever I come across or is suggested. I eat it all up. Including the comments section reading how others respond and how they act. I have come to learn so much! I impress myself by using the lingo unique to this genre and subculture at times.

It is an odd obsession to develop considering I’m almost 40, a woman, raised in a small town, and never cared for it much growing up. My obsession originally started because I made a few new friends who were HipHop/Rap enthusiasts. They appreciated my opinions on lyrics presented. I feel cooler now than I felt my entire life.

Not to brag, but a little verse I wrote and performed is going to be used as a drop on a friend’s soon to be released mixtape. I am sorry, I pride myself on being real so have to admit telling you the above was all brag. I am very proud of that accomplishment. Another great pride of mine, after using Google, is being told I’m trill.

Please don’t think my recent obsession has created any radical changes in me. People on YouTube, who don’t know me, make fun of my long detailed critiques I comment. I still dress age appropriate and have no desire to emerge my whole identity into the subculture. However, I can’t deny allure of it all.

I want to write more about my recent obsession in the future. I hope my posts are well received by all, regardless of their background. I believe some of my observations of the subculture’s underground and mainstream will be found more interesting than you expect.

In conclusion, going to include my own attempts at writing verse. Not the best, I am well aware. Perfection was not my goal when writing. Rather, my goal was to never say I did not give it a shot….probably why I’m trill when so many others are not.

“Mama’s Math”

All men rate me a perfect ten
Shit! What a pain this has been
Had to do some Facebook weeding
Nixing 5 what I was needing
I try to be a classy woman
But never forget I got venom
I’ll do what I gotta to thrive
Seconds given to mourn was 5
I never fear having nothing left
Forcing me to commit a theft
My hair is as dark as a raven
My darkness assures breaking even
You asking how I dare
I’ll indulge you and share
Let mama give you a lesson bath
Using the soap called math
5 plus 5 is always me
Not gonna settle for a common he
So don’t try knocking on my door
Thinking I’ll greet ya like a whore
Bitch who you think you be?
You will never be worthy of me
I’ll only be wifed by a real man
Try to be one if you can
I gleefully await that day
Till then fucking go away
Cause I don’t need a hero
Damn! 5 minus 5 is you a zero

“Zombie Apocalypse”

Too many voices saying nothing worth hearing/my ears are bleeding/I need to hear something smart/something from a heart/don’t know why y’all worried about a zombie apocalypse/zombies are fucking everywhere/I’m not afraid to admit I’m scared as hell/somebody please ring the bell/we gotta take action/put are forces in motion/raise your voices to work/this is not the time to lurk/come out of hiding/use your pens for fighting/zombies are afraid of light/shine your brilliance with all your might/let’s back them into the corners of society/it’s time for the mentally strong to quit speaking politely/let’s unleash an atomic shout/so brainless zombies get the fuck out

The End For Now….White Venom Is Out

The Return of the Eye

Not going to post too much at this point. Just wanted to let any of you who still remember me know I’m going to be back writing soon. By soon, I mean tomorrow morning. I enjoyed my Blog but had to take a little break to take in the world around me to write again. My brief time away has changed my writing a little. If that change is for good or bad….is up to you. I write for me while hoping my need of expressing myself will somehow connect with others.

Till tomorrow morning , or earlier, my fellow earthly beams of glory!

Since, I feel more whole since taking my hiatus it’s fitting to come back and show you more of who I am on the outside as I plan on showing you more of who I am on the inside with my writing later.

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