Editing addiction…I got it real bad.

I don’t know if doing this is common with bloggers….but some days, when I want some serious time devoted to writing new things, I spend picking scratching obsessing editing posts that were already shared and commented on. I tried to reblog and leave them alone. I am ashamed to say, I went back and edited some more after that.  Last night I decided I had to find a way to let them go and be who they are…not live in fear of my constant tweaking. The next effort of mine, to stop my creations from being edited to death, is to send them out to see if they are worthy of being published. I plan on sending them near and far so I can either get permission to edit a bit more if nobody deems them worthy, or hopefully, they get the accepted and I feel they are perfect just they way they are. Here are the first 5 poems that will be leaving my blog nest.  All you have seen posted before but I went back and edited one last time before they went out to see if the world would treat them kind or send them back home with their tails between their legs. Either way…I will always love them. 🙂

 

“He Let Her Dance”
A girl, 
denied her youth,
steals a moment.
Rain falling
Sun shining
Puddles forming
Believed her new umbrella
would be her only witness
as she danced without worry
just for an instant.
She finally felt the joy
of not trying to be perfect.
Shoes wet
Movements clumsy
Umbrella twirling
Her treasured moment
was shattered in an instant.
A man, she spied, 
who was not her Father
yet claimed he loved her Mother.
All efforts to be seen
as perfect…gone.
She was caught
being perfectly imperfect.
Her dismay turned to delight.
Eyes did not belittle
Voice did not raise 
Mouth did not frown
Her heavy heart lifted.
She felt tiny seed of worth planted
and vowed to love him forever
in an instant.
 
“Battle Cry”
You! Evil man who plays the victim…
Don’t run and hide you coward.I have a message for you.
Your days are numbered. This I can assure you.
For the longest time, I have camped outside your Tower of Lies…
Denied entrance by your victims installed as guards.
I wonder what you will say when asked to account for your torture
of those you were tasked to nurture?
Will you claim to be innocent because you were once a victim?
That excuse will not fly guy.
The pain you endured will not give you asylum from accounting for the pain you inflicted.
By circumstance, I was saved from your worse.The guilt of this, 
fuels my desire to see you and your fortress consumed by fire.
Years have passed.
You are old.
We are still broken.
But I can finally see your power is starting to weaken.
I pray your fall allows those you now hold prisoner freedom from lies
 you used hot irons to brand in their brains. 
And the blindfolds they wear, those you gifted and swore were silk
but any fool can see is common burlap, are discarded at long last.
My body may constantly fight, but my soul is always on its knees
praying for those I love to finally see what I see.
No single person should be robbed of seeing 
the strength, power, and beauty they posses.
Don’t worry, you evil man, your time has not come just yet.
For now, you can be happy because till they are released
I will remain your tormented victim.
 
“Emotion’s Roost”
A life is judged by a person’s actions
and guided by notions.
However, don’t forget, ugly emotions.
 
Even herculean efforts can’t assure life’s grace
Ugly emotions, feeling ignored, can and will efface.
The mission, of every person, is to find a special place.
 
An environment where all emotions can feel at ease roosting
and no need is felt to prove their existence by squawking.
This place, where they can fluff their feathers, can be found in writing.
 
“Forever A Clown”
I was a joke, when I was young.
Laughter, so loud, at my expense stung.
The sound bending me over in agony.
Hunkered down, took a journey.
Mind went afar hoping laughter done when awoke
Older now, sadly naught changed since I was a joke.
 
Think I would learn, to deal with pain.
Joy, with role as clown, I could feign.
This one ability, could save me my face.
Instead, tears engage in a race.
No matter what I do, I follow the same pattern.
I am a clown to all around…think I would learn.
 
“RED”
“Be back in a minute” is what he said.
These words bounce all over in my head.
The bitch clock taunts, “Tic toc, tic toc.”
I stay strong; tears unshed.
Rage festers instead.
“Tic toc, tic toc”
In the past,
bled; now
RED
 
 

 

 

 

 

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7 thoughts on “Editing addiction…I got it real bad.

  1. Perfection is what I aspire to. I admire that you care enough. I do the same thing. Many times, because I use voice activated software, and its not the top of the line yet, I will see verbs that are conjugated incorrect, but I dont notice it unitl “you,” have read it. Then I go “Oh no, Billie has “seen” that I am not perfect. Oh Shit! I speak better than I write, so this is always a struggle for me. I always love to see the “eye,” even now when it is on both sides of me!!!

    • Don’t worry about making an error around me ever. lol I am really bad at spelling and grammar on the fly…I have to look at my writings over and over to find what I did wrong. I will confess…my biggest writing blunder is I tend to write using a passive voice. When writing papers for College they were always on me about this. I never understood the issue with it personally. What my instructors said was soooo wrong….I loved the sound of it. Oh well, nobody is grading me, or you, now. Just so it is clear, I read your blog to hear what you have to say….not to attack it with a red pen to make corrections. Later my friend.

  2. I know that you look to my words, ONLY! LOL I invite private emails about my grammar.
    I dont think I have the passive voice, do you?
    Your voice is perfect to me! I love your style, it is haunting, challenging, thoughtful.

  3. I also tend to re-edit. One piece of advice I heard when I was doing some music recording (which is edited and redone ad naseum) also relates to writing. The person said, “You never finish a CD. You abandon it.” Sometimes that is the attitude I have to take with writing, otherwise I will simply keep editing.

    • It is funny that you just said this cause currently I revamping my blog and starting to think I will end up deleting some of my writing. I hate to do it because they all have a little of me in them….even the poor little offerings nobody likes. 😦

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