I want to share a story to show my gratitude for one of the best gifts I have ever been given.
The gift I hold so dear, was presented to be by a fellow junkie.
We had nothing in common besides our shared addiction and the building we were housed in.
We would kill time between therapy, smokes, snacks, and meals talking about this, that, and nothing.
However, during one of our one on one stress relieving sessions, I told a story that was always so painful and filled me with shame…
Even though I was only a child and the victim.
As soon as I started…
I wanted to stop…
Instead I told my sad tale like it was a joke.
I laughed at my pain so as not to burden this recent stranger with feeling obligated to pretend he cared and give me some token pity.
I wanted to end it with a final laugh and give him a Newport as payment for his time…
But to my surprise no pity was given. In its place I was given the permission to allow my feelings be first.
He told me my story was not funny and I did not need to laugh.
He knew what happened must have hurt…
The weight of my pain was less as he showed me compassion.
He said when somebody hurts me it should not be funny.
He gently put his hand on mine and said he thought it would be better if I cried.
At that moment that wonderful junkie served as a wittiness to my tears I always kept hidden…
When I already felt he gave me so much…he gave me one more.
I saw tears fall from his eyes.
How could a victim ask for anything more!
Soon after, we went our separate ways…
But I swear this on a stack of Bibles…his gift will always remain close to my heart.
And in my heart, I know this grand gift could never be given by a nice junkie unless God used him to teach me this life changing lesson.
I don’t ask why God allowed such a bad thing to happen.
Asking why does not take pain away. It did, and that’s that.
However, the pain I lived with for so long did feel less the day God used a kind junkie to give me the permission and compassion needed to make it easier to deal with.